Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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