literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
