At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
