she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
