Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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