I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You need a sexual gate keeper
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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