awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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