alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
