i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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