I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
