HIV tests are more positive than that guy
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
