Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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