I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
