I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
