i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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