I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We just shotgunned beers for America
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
