This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
