I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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