my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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