After last night, I could never be a politician.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
