after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
