Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
