I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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