South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize