By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
