Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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