Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
