Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
