He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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