He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
