Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need to sanitize my soul.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
