The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
