I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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