I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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