So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
