Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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