Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
