Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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