Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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