ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
