i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
