Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
