I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Enjoy the penises
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
