So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
