??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Green mimosas i think yes
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
