You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
