Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
