I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
