have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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