how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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